Birthing A Child

Most of you may not remember and I'm going to remind you that I interviewed a man named Brian Papa who is the author of Papatv.com. This is a very recent picture of Brian:



As you can see he's not afraid to let it all hang out - even if there isn't much. (Heh.) Recently his soon - to - be - wife gave birth to their first daughter, Sienna, named after Sienna Miller. I, personally, can not stand Sienna Miller because I'm so jealous she got to sleep with the handsome Jude Law. I want to eat him up. He's so freaking DELICIOUS!

Anyway! I sent Brian and Ana a copy of our contract:

Contract:

This is a non - binding and non - legal contract between preTzel and Ana Paula for an interview to be completed at what ever time they both feel like doing it.

Negotiations:

1. I want one picture of your daughter that has not been seen on your website. This picture will be used to induce ooohs and aaaahs from the preTzelplace.net audience.

2. I want one picture of the three of you together that has not been seen on your website. This picture will be used for the sole entertainment of the preTzelplace.net audience.

3. I want $14,000,000.00 in unmarked pennies to be delivered by 1 a.m. CT or I reserve the right to embarrass you in front of the preTzelplace.net audience.

4. All future interviews are to be given to preTzel unless otherwise pre - arranged.

5. There are no other negotiations at this time but preTzel reserves the right to negotiate in the future.

If you agree to the contract and negotiations respond to this e - mail and the questions will be sent forth.

They did send a picture of their daughter that has not been on their website. Here it is: (CAUTION: This picture may cause serious uterine aches and induce baby wants. preTzelplace.net and all of its entities and insanities can not be held liable if a woman runs out to fuck the nearest hottie just to try and reproduce such prefection as this child.)



Isn't she just beautiful? She already has me wrapped around her little finger and I can't even smell her baby - head. I can imagine it though.

Ana insisted on answering and typing her answers herself and took Brian out as the middle man and responded directly to my questions. Her answers are concise, honest, blunt, truthful, humorous, and direct. Before I post the interview I want to share an e - mail Brian sent Ana:

baby, please put your good answers, just be YOU:)

tHEN EMAIL ME BACK

LOVE!


brianpapa

Can I just say that made me laugh? Nothing like a little coaching from a person who knows me. I think he was worried that I was going to chew her up and spit her out but that is not at all what happened. I loved Ana's answers and was really glad she did this all on her own. Brian was needlessly worried. Really, check it out for yourself:

1. What attracted you to Brian? Was it his smile? His good looks? His sense of humor? His nice ass? Oops, did that offend you? Sorry. He *did* post that picture of himself leaning in the sun/moon roof of the car to kiss you so you can't fault a crazy Iowa girl for noticing a nice ass. We're all dying to know what it was about Brian that would force you to procreate with him.

I met Brian at a night club and i did not had good impression of him ( I found him a lit boring the first few minutes ) but because my friend took off with his friend i was stuck with him for the whole night .

Was just a first impression after 20 minutes he start to make me lol so much , we talked until 6 am and then i left with the feeling that I really want to see this guy again

2. When did you come to America? What have you found so hard to understand? I came to states on 2002.After being almost 5 years in Australia with lots of friends being differente culture.

Well being in Southern California might be a diferente experience than other parts.I found hard to make real friends here . Most of the people that i ve meet are really fake and flake.

3. What wisdom do you hope to impart upon your daughter?

Be herself, be true ,respect people , animals and plants , have always postive attitude toward people ( what we do come back to us this is the universal law ) , be honest. I will take her to do yoga with me( 3 months) and this itself will be great for her.

4. Give us one habit of Brian's that drives you bonkers and makes you swear in Portugese at him.

He used to set up the alarm clock really early 5am , and never get up and then he would change for 6 am and never get up .Now doesnt matter anymore. I think that he was trying to get me used for not sleping . Im very green and he came a long way he is pretty good for the most part to recycle but he has the bad habit to leave the lights on (drive me insane)

5. Did you really kick Nikki out of your bed?

I tried but when you look at her eyes you cant say no.

6. When will Brian marry you? Have you decided?

Is comming up very soon ....

7. What were you thinking as you laid in the bed and labored? Did thoughts of killing Brian ever enter your mind? (If you say no then I better go apologize to Mr. preTzel because I planned his death more than once after I dilated passed 8.)

I did not wanted him to get disapointed with me because I wanted so much to have a natural birth and I told so many people (but in my world is impossible I will never try this again the pain is unberable. He support me all the time.

8. How are you healing?

Good very good . I stopped taking the pain killers ( I hate it )

9. As a mother myself I know that there are times I doubt what I'm doing and if I'm doing the right thing. Is there anything you think about that you might not know what to do? How will you try to make the right decisions even when in doubt?

I guess you need to listen to your mother intuition and go from there.I will talk to Brian and we can come with with a decision as well.

10. How are you holding up? Any baby "blues"?

Iam great very thankfull to have a beautiful, perfect daughter , my mother is here and she has being so wonderful .

11. How did you decide on the name "Sienna" for your daughter?

Sienna Miller ( she is beautiful , hot , sexy )

12. When do you think you will resume your once - weekly date nights again?

Is a hard question we dont have any family here so who is going to take care of my baby ??? I dont think that is going to happen for a while.

13. What other states besides California have you visited? Ever given any thought to visiting Iowa? Brian is from the midwest. *hint*

I was a tour leader so I did cross coutry and spend some time on the East Coast I would think at least 25.

14. When you were a young girl what was your biggest dream in life?

Travel

15. Are you related to Fidel? Just asking because you two share a last name.

No not at all my Castro is from portuguese decend.

16. How is Brian holding up as a papa? No, not a Papa but as a papa? Is he changing the dirty diapers?

He is awesome he is changing the diapers , making her burp, he is amazing dad I couldnt ask for better.

17. Okay - one wish: What is it?

To understand why Sienna crys what she is telling me that I dont know how to ready yet. I hate seing her cry.

18. Do you think you'll get your figure back super - fast like all those crazy mommies in California do?

I really hope so , I put a lot of weight during my pregnancy.

19. I wonder if you could tell me if Brian has been good to you in the past week. Has he been helping you out? Been waiting on you? Letting you get rest? If not just bring him to Iowa and I'll kick his *and* Mr. Black's ass.

He has awesome you should be pround of him.

20. Ana Paula - I want to thank you for letting me interview you so my last question is not a question but just to let you know that you can ask me anything you want. I'll answer it and answer it honestly.

Thanks so much pretzel for everything , Is good to know that I do have a friend from IOWA would be nice if one day we all met .Thanks so much for the interview and Iam sorry that took me a couple of days to answer.

Best regards . Ana Paula

I did e - mail Brian this after receiving her answers:

I LOVE her responses. You are one lucky mofo to have met her my friend. I hope you hang on tight and never let go because if you do *I* am snatching her up and you're going to go from a lucky to a lonely mofo. (I'll leave it to you to explain to Ana Paula what "mofo" means. )

I don't know if he explained it or not but I do believe he is a very lucky man to find a woman to put up with him and Mr. Black.

On a personal note: Brian and Ana - I'm still waiting on those $14,000,000 in unmarked pennies.