Interviewing Papa from PapaTV.com

So I was chosen to interview someone after reading about Redneck Mommy’s interview over on Backpacking Dad’s site and he hyperlinked over to The Great Interview over on Citizen of the Month so I signed up to interview someone. Imagine my surprise when someone named “Meg” commented on my blog that she had been chosen to interview me (Hey, Meg? I’m still waiting…LOL!) so I thought I better see who I’d been chosen to interview.

I was shocked, to be honest, to be chosen to interview some dude named “Papa”. Through my head went the thought of an older guy in Depends™ that probably relied on Viagra™ every now and then to iron out the wrinkles of his dangly bits. But, I figured I better go ahead and check out his blog and see what I was getting myself in to and if I could back out if at all possible.



(Girls, isn't he HAWT!? Oh my, I feel like a Mrs. Robinson saying that! He's the guy up front thrusting his hips at some chick and he looks like he has a priest's collar on.) The first thing that was chased away was the need for Viagra™. Apparently he didn’t need it because it seems he’s gotten some poor innocent female pregnant. He also seems to be proud that she’s pregnant and devoted this blog to her pregnancy and how he’s going to be some great “Papa” and then I realized that it wasn’t what I thought at all. His last name is “Papa” and it wasn’t because he was going to be a “papa” that he named his blog that. Or maybe it was? I think I’m confused. Either way I was excited to be chosen so I put a comment on his blog to let him know that he had me for an interviewer and this is what I said:

Howdy Papa. Looks like I'm going to be interviewing you and seeing as how I've been a mother for about oh...almost 19 years now be ready for me to throw anything at you. I'll get back with you when and how. Do me a favor? E - mail me your e - mail addy so I can e - mail you your interview questions. Just be prepared. For Anything. Seriously. Be scared. :D

So I sat down and began typing up some questions when I realized that I had not read his blog and how could I interview him based on a whiny post about having to clean an oven. (Really Papa, whining over cleaning an oven? Shame on you! Do you know how hard it would be for Ana to clean that oven in her condition?) Before I started to read it I thought I better check my e – mail to see if he responded…

Bring it on, Pretzel!

Bring it on!

Ha. I joke. 19 years, you could teach me a lot. But, please, ask me anything. I'm an open book. I'm jeans with the fly down. I'm a 70's shirt opened to my belly button. Bring it on!

Sounds like we're going to have a lot of fun!

brian PAPA

So then I responded to his e – mail with:

Do I need to bring hot wax and some stripping pads? If you're going to have your shirt open I must warn you that I thinking "man - scaping" is a necessity. ;)

I'm going to peruse your blog, read some more, and then come up with some very personal and probing questions. Prepare yourself because while you're the jeans with the fly down I'm the antagonizer with the rubber band shooting right at the open fly. :)

pretzel

And he came back with:

oh, preTzel, i'm just a good 'ol midwesterner like yourself... ;)

So now the gloves have been officially taken off and I’m sitting here thinking of all these questions I have for him but I’m wondering if I truly want to ask the questions that are swirling in my mind but wondering if I could scare him off or offend him. There is a possibility that I could hurt his feelings or offend him so badly that he turns me in and I become this blog pariah or something. So what do I do??? What should I ask? I did e – mail and ask for confirmation but he must be having so much fun talking to his little Sienna that he hasn’t answered me and I’m not a patient woman so here are the questions I asked and his responses:

1. Are you really as energetic in life as you are on your blog?

Yes, even more so. Ana calls me her Energizer bunny which probably sounds sexual but unfortunately just refers to my high energy. I, of course, can have down time but my high energy comes from a fear that I never wanted to be perceived as boring. In that sense, I always try to be "ON."

2. Are you more excited or scared at the impending birth of your daughter?

Excited! I try to keep fear out but it still creeps in occasionally. Mostly it's about money and how will I provide but I remember hearing something Francis Ford Coppola told his writing students 'Something how they told him they had to be successful THEN they could get married and have kids, but he said the opposite "Get married" it will inspire you...Apparently, he had kids penniless and look where he is today...


3. Did you know that the ultrasound tech told me that all of my preTzel boys were girls? They did. They even showed us Middle’s “uterus”. Baby was “75% girl and 25% boy.”

I've heard of ultrasounds being wrong. If I had a boy I would be heartbroken just because I’ve wanted a girl like forever...but it would just mean trying again and the trying parts certainly not boring....of course, that's not to say I would neglect my son, just he might have a few pink blankets when he was younger.


4. If your daughter came to you at 16 and said “Papa, I’m a lesbian and I have this girl I really like…” what would your reaction would be?

Ana and I are both very open people. I have friends of all orientations and accept as is. I would expect that my daughter's girl have all the good qualities I’ve hopefully instilled in my daughter.


5. How are you doing on learning Portuguese?

Portuguese is going poorly. I don't make time for it like I should. I'm taking baby bonding in March and we're going to Brazil for 6 weeks where Ana's parents live and her best friend has her own language school. I plan to take courses then. Honestly. Especially as i know Sienna will know Portuguese and I can't have mommy and sienna talking about daddy and daddy's a dumb American.


6. From which part of the Midwest do you hail?

I’m from Kansas City, Kansas but we moved a lot while I was younger... but it was always to other parts of Kansas. Topeka, Manhattan, Olathe. My dad would come home we're moving! We’d be like "where?” Expecting somewhere exotic, like Hawaii or California, and he'd say Topeka, KS. Oh...........

7. Do you realize that raising kids will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life? How have you prepared yourself for this?

You’re right; I will have no idea until I’m actually doing it. Just as I had no idea I’d lose my mom but I learned to adapt and carry on. How have I prepared myself? Well, I want to bring my kids up in a loving environment so I’ve started my website BEFORE they were born so that my attitude is in the right place. I figure that's the most important part. I treat Ana with respect, love, and admiration and I want my children to see that as well. From love all good things come.


8. Do you plan on being there for the entire delivery? Are you prepared to be cussed out in English and Portuguese?

My cousin, of whom I’m so proud, just graduated UCLA as an OB/GYN and she said I’d be a big crying baby in the delivery room. She’s probably right. I’m a sensitive guy and I tend to tear up at really beautiful moments. I can't imagine anything more beautiful than holding your first child, and for that I can take any language.

9. What is a Japanese home stay? (Or should I say who?)

A Japanese home stay is someone who lives with you for a short time. They come to study and learn English and live the American culture. They (or I should say, the school) pays you a fair sum and you are obligated to make dinner for them every night. In one way, this has been good for taking on extra responsibilities before we have children. That said, each home stay becomes our kid, and they tend to not want to leave.

10. In one of your posts you talk about Ana’s absent – mindedness and are you aware that it could continue passed the birth of your child? It can. I know. I’ve been out of my mind since 1989. Just leave a message at the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.

Sometimes I’m afraid I come off harsh in my posts but it's all tongue in cheek. We both laugh about her absent mindedness and we both laugh about her trying to play off absent mindedness when it's clear it's to her advantage. I’m not afraid to call her out on her shit; she's certainly not afraid to do the same. If it continues, maybe I’ll just start asking for massages, then we'll see how absent minded she really is.


11. In your video about the sign on the toilet: Did you realize that it had not been flushed and aren’t you embarrassed? (Maybe that’s bad lighting but it sure looks like yellow to me.)

You are good! She had literally just finished peeing in the dark! It’s embarrassing, sure, but I like real moments and that's a very real moment. I love that video and the realness that our bathroom is not perfect 100% of the time, I think only adds to its authenticity.

12. Okay, I’m totally laughing because I just read the “I Got Franked” story and I’m dying laughing. What chick doesn’t have a “Frank” story? I do! The guy was bad. No, he was. He pulled his pants down and said he was ready and I kept staring and saw NOTHING. Oh, there it was. Hidden amongst the pube fronds like a gnat lost in a jungle. I laughed. Then I laughed some more. He called me a bitch as he was hastily pulling up his britches to hide the “gnat” and ran out the door. That ever happen to you?

They say a big percent of woman can not climax thru penetration alone. That statistic works to my advantage. Not that I have a small guy, he's good, but I achieve greater results with oral B(rian).


13. Truly curious: What did you do when the KY packets fell out at the airport? Did you pick them up or just leave them?

I kicked them. I’m not too easily embarrassed but picking them all up just seemed ridiculous. Knowing me, I’d lose my ticket, or something stupid like that.

14. Did you move Nikki’s bowls away from the trash?

No they are still there. There’s no other good place for them. We’re just more careful throwing the trash away. Wait until the Pupperoni video!

15. How old were you when your mom died of breast cancer? How did that shape you as you continued to grow?

I believe I was 18 but it's kind of foggy because it's something that hurt. A LOT. I’m not sure if it was a result of her death or not (probably it was), but I moved to NYC. In my mom, I lost my best friend. That was the hardest part. I felt lonely and afraid. And I never got close to anyone romantically for a long time - I was too afraid something would happen. And, of course it did, and that brought up the losing thing all over again. It was easier to be with someone I didn't have much to lose with, than someone I did. At the same time, because my mom was very protective, it did give me my first real taste of freedom. And I sought out every new adventure I could. Again, I didn't want to be boring. Billy wilder said something like I have a vast an incredible desire not to be a bore. I love that quote.


16. Have your balls healed? (I just wanted to let you know that I totally laughed out loud typing that.)

My balls are fine. All three of them. Just kidding.


17. Is “Papa TV” your first blog and did it truly begin February of this year? Did you start it because of your lovely girlfriend’s pregnancy?

Papatv didn't launch "publicly" until a week after Mother's Day. At the time I was still kind of discovering what it was about. Originally it was a pregnancy site but I think that was just the "sympathetic man" time of my life. Then I found mommy and daddy blogs and that was closer to who I was...so it was me finding my voice. So I’ve really only had Papatv as it stands now for around 3 months. I’m excited to see it catching on and to attract so many great readers. That said, I have so many things I can't wait to introduce. It’s going to be BIG.


18. Speaking of your lovely girlfriend: When are you going to marry her? It’s obvious that marrying her the day before she’s to give birth won’t work. What about right now? Run to the JOP and do it man. Better yet – take her to Vegas! Let Elvis marry you. Come on, put some slippers on and warm up those cold feet! Do you really want to have Sienna adding things up on her fingers when she gets older?

That’s so funny you say that. We were going to get married in October as you probably read but then Sienna came along, so now we're going to do it in -- okay, I’m announcing it here first! In September when her mom and sister come...just a little quickie court paper one and then a real one in Brazil; we always say that it feels like we're married already. Papatv, besides being about sienna, is really just a really long love letter to say “Will you marry me?”


19. Do you draw your own illustrations?

Yes, I'm not good, but I really try. Now that I’m finding it's kind of anything goes and the more you're yourself, the more likely you are to stand out, I’m going to start bringing out the good stuff. Like the dodger's dog I drew awhile back, it's just begging to make it to Papatv.


20. Last one: What sort of wisdom do you hope to impart on your child?

Find your passion early in life, try many things, love deeply, and you have to work hard, real hard, for what you want: expect it, live it, love it.

So when Brian e - mailed me the answers to his questions he asked me a question:

p.s.s just had an afterthought to my last email. if you don't mind, which would be your top 5 posts of mine? curious.

Top Five Posts that I really enjoyed are:

Home is where the SPACE is: This one because you really articulate how your neighbors have embraced Ana and accepted her. In this day and age, when there is so much antagonism towards people not born here I think it's wonderful that they have opened their hearts and their homes to her and you.

I'm going to PUMP you up: This is a really good post and it gives everyone an idea to help lift their spirits and their self - esteem.

Not THAT kind of massage: This because it's totally sexual and perverted and disgusting. Yeah. That's it.

Happy Anniversary - Two years in the making: The first reason because you have a totally great shot of your ass there! Heh. Just kidding. Sort of. This post speaks volumes of your committment and love to Ana. I loved how you met, how you dealt with your feelings, and how your meeting was by chance and not planned. It's romantic and loving.

They're all good kids: This one because I roared at the end of it. As a person who works in the educational field I could not stop laughing at the line where Steve said:

"Haha, and I had some little fucker's too..."

Even putting that here, on my blog, has me laughing my ass off again.

Brian, I want to thank you for letting me interview you. It has been fun, for me at least, and anytime you need advice I’m here for the asking. Really. I mean it. I’ll even loan you my preTzel boys to break you in. They’re like birth control. Really. I mean it. If you have anymore questions let me refer you to a couple of my posts:

Who Said Raising Kids Was Easy?

And

How To Talk To Your Kids About S.E.X.

I won't really loan you the preTzel boys because I'd be lost if they weren't here. So, on parting I want to say to you: Be prepared sir, you're about to lose a part of your heart and a part of your soul to your child. She will stomp it, trample it, mangle it, and shred it like no one ever could. She'll tell you she hates you, that you've ruined her life, and that you're a big ol' meanie. Don't take it personally because it just means you're being a great father. Don't take it too seriously. Don't be concerned if the word "fuck" pops out of her mouth every now and again. Just relax, roll with it, and know that one day she'll look back and know that her "papa" was the best.



For all of my readers: This post is taking the place of the preTzel praIse wedNesday award. That will resume, as scheduled, again next week.

Edited to add: Papatv.com is now in my blog roll so you folks can click over there anytime you want. He's a great read, I promise, and you won't be sorry you did it! Spread the word: There's a new channel in the blogOsphere and it's none other than PapaTV.com! I certainly hope his little Sienna loves preTzels!