Boners, Ice Cream, and Money Back...

Hey, if you're a perv might as well skedaddle your scurvy - pervy ass right on outta here cuz it's not what you think.

preTzel peers around looking for scurvy - pervs lurking...

Nope, don't see none.

So, Mr. and I ran to our local grocery store tonight to grab some grub for the preTzel boys. We also returned a movie to Redbox. (Hey, that's a great way to rent movies. If you don't visit one - you should!) I had Mr. run to Redbox while I ran over to the deli department to get some processed shit delicious rare roast beef and shaved ham for sandwiches. After leaving the deli, and listening to the woman whine about having to take her granddaughter to Wal Mart for "a new blouse she had to have" and making it back in their home just in time (she later said "thirty minutes") before the big storm hit last night, I saw Mr. walking towards me from his visit to Redbox.

Here is how it went:

"Hey! Fancy running in to you here! Where's your wife?"

"Huh?"

"Hey, don't be getting fresh with me, my husband might not like it!"

"Huh?"

"So, are you free after you're done shopping?"

"Yeah."

"You sure your wife won't mind?"

"No, she likes married men too."

"Oh, so you're swingers then? That's almost unheard of in this day and age."

"Yeah, we're swingers."

Okay, it is at *this* point that Mr. realizes that I've put him in an aisle with a *lot* of other shoppers and he's just admitted that he and his "wife" are swingers!

"So, wanna get together in the parking lot when we're done?"

He didn't respond. He just did this head tilt thing where he tilts and then nods at other shoppers. Then he turns red because he's embarrassed.

"So? Do you wanna? Or will your wife be upset if you're not right at home?"

At this point we've meandered to another aisle with no one in it and he jumps back on the store - sex bandwagon.

"No, she won't mind."

"So, what did you drive?"

"The van."

"Oh?!? Me too!!!" (This was said with much gushing and simpering.)

"Heh." Yes, he only giggled.

Then I say "Wanna do it in the van when we're done?"

He says "You're givin' me a boner!"

Oh, so romantic. Said while we're surrounded by toilet paper and maxi pads. Has our marriage been reduced to grocery - store sex? After 12 year of marriage and 16 years of co - habitation we're reduced to *this*? "You're givin' me a boner!" Gawd. I felt like I was a Mrs. Robinson with a teenage male. He's all red and flushed and squirming in the aisle.

Anyway...he then states he's off to buy beer and I go my own way to buy ice cream.

Afterwards we meet up again and act like our normal, boring selves and we proceed to check out.

Now our grocery store has this little policy: If The Shelf Price and Register Don't Agree You Get The Item Free. It is *their* policy and not mine but when something rings up wrong I tell them and get my money back. Tonight this jerky manager pissed me off.

The sign said "Grocery Store Brand Vanilla Sundae Cones 2/$5. As Advertised."

So when it rang up $2.89 I said "That's not right."

So Jerky Manager comes over and agrees to see if I am correct. He comes back with *two* boxes of Grocery Store Brand Variety Sundae Cones and states *those* are on sale and *that* is what the sign said.

Now I admit to being a bit absent - minded from time to time because, let's face it, I'm older and I've given birth. So I said "Whatever. I'll just keep what I have." Then I paid and we went to leave but I told Mr. to wait because I wanted to check it.

So I walked over there again and guess what? *I* was right. The fucking sign said VANILLA not VARIETY! Yes, it was on the shelf where the "variety" was but it said V.A.N.I.L.L.A and not V.A.R.I.E.T.Y. So I went to him again and asked him to come and take a look and he got all PISSY with me and said "Just give me your receipt." Fine. He gave me back $5.78 for what I paid for the two boxes I purchased.

This is the *first* time I've ever run across some rude manager in that store because they are usually very kind and helpful. I don't like this guy. From now on I'm going to see if he's working and if he is I'm only buying shit ON SALE just to make sure it all rings up RIGHT and if it doesn't I'm going to follow HIM to the SIGN and point it OUT! Arsehole.

Go to the store for food, think I might get some "goodie" in the parking lot, and have it all ruined by a jerk! Harumph! I'm off to eat a sammich and watch my new Redbox movie.