What? You didn't miss me?

I was gone *all* day long today. I can't go in to details because I'm exhausted beyond freaking belief. We took the boys to an amusement park and just got home. I'm going to climb in to a warm shower and wash the sweat off my body but before I did I wanted to share a few things:

1. Women should not wear bikini tops as shirts. It's disgusting. Seriously.

2. Women who are *way* overweight should not wear bikini tops that are only holding the nipples, just barely, in too small fabric.

3. #2 plus Daisy Duke cut - offs. I just wanted to say "Honey, cottage cheese belongs in the dairy aisle." Cruel? Yes but I'm overweight and you don't see me parading my fat ass around an amusement park in a rubber band and nut shells scaring all the kiddies.

4. My two younger boys fight even when they're in the middle of an amusement park with every fun ride you can think of.

5. Wet shorts ride up and are uncomfortable.

6. Men who scratch and pull at their penis in public are gross. I don't mean just "scratch and adjust" but deep ball scratching and pulling of the penis out from the body and then letting it snap back like a rubber band. Eww. The funny part? Some woman walked by in a T - shirt that read "I got my crabs at Dirty Dick's." I spit water and almost hit an old woman laughing at that. That earned me a dirty look from the senior citizen.

7. What happened to modesty?

8. Mohawks on women look scary. They really do.

9. Mr. needs to be force - hydrated so he doesn't pass out on a 90+ degree day.

10. Walking miles upon miles in flip - flops will make the tendon in your foot throb like a mo - fo especially when you have tendon damage.

I've learned more but I really need to go get to bed. My body is screaming "You only slept 3.5 hours last night and made me walk in HEAT and HUMIDITY in FLIP FLOPS and I need sleeeeeep!" See ya on the flip side!~